2003-07-30 - 11:05 p.m.

I want to move.

I really really really want to move.

BUT: No money.

Though I don't feel all that bad, I think this is a bad time for me. Why? The highlight of my day yesterday was the fact that Trigger Happy TV used A New Pornographers' song. Several notes and packages were sent out saying things I wanted to say, but maybe some things I shouldn't have said. It was nothing mean, or offensive, just maybe too much. You know? No, probably not. I'm probably not making much sense. The thought of a job terrifies me, as does the thought of getting up in the morning. I have nothing to do and no one to see and the absolute freedom absolutely paralyzes me. I'm trying to study for the GRE but it's just not happening very easily. By which I mean I watch TV all night, go to sleep at 2 or 3, wake up, hopefully, at 12, sit around, scared about not knowing what to do, maybe go to the post office, sit around and try not to be too insolent toward my mom and sister.

Ugh. God. Sorry.

Sorry sorry.

I will try to make a mixtape and read "Wise Blood".

I'm sorry Katie.

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